Everybody has a Facebook page. You have a Facebook page. Your mom has a Facebook page. Your priest has a Facebook page. … Everyone. Those few who do not are often regarded as some kind of purists; the rare elite who have refused to give in to this century’s most prevalent addiction.
But even those are a dying breed, and at some point they will give in while swearing they won’t get hooked. One week later they are awake at 4 a.m. for the third day in a row, playing Farmville and liking obscure fan pages of cartoons they remember from when they were 6 years old.
But I don’t care how much you love Facebook, there are just some things you shouldn’t do. It is precisely these things that had led to websites such as Lamebook and Failbook, which show off the latest of a number of social nightmares that occur on the social networking site.
Short of requiring people to take an IQ test or agree to electric shock when signing up, there is little we can do about some of the content people share. But for those who are paying attention, here are five status boundaries not to cross for the sanity of your friend’s list.
1. What You Are Eating/Watching/Listening To
“OMG listening to Monkey Butt ‘Crappy Pop Song’, watching ‘So You Think You Can Dance: Atlantis’ and eating deep fried spaghetti with powdered sugar! KAWAII!” See what I just did there? I emulated every one of the annoying status updates you posted in shrieking glory about your music, TV and dietary enjoyments. Now, if you do something somewhat out of the ordinary and have something to say about it, great. Buy a CD on iTunes and want to let people know how it is? Do it. Have a movie you are heading out to see and plan on asking is someone wants to come? Great. Enjoying a meal from a new restaurant and have a critique? By all means, share it. But don’t update with every inane detail of your life. After all, you wouldn’t call someone up every time you were sitting down for a meal, right? Exactly.
2. Your Exact Location
Last year there was a feature implemented on Facebook that would list where you were at any given moment while posting status updates. Through the official feature it is rather discreet, just listed under the status itself. But there were also apps through mobile phone providers and networks such as Foursquare that would post it as a status update itself. It would do this every few minutes, so my feed was constant filled with, “Joe Schmoe is currently at the San Jose Maximum Security Prison with Lou Screw.” Believe it or not, I don’t need to know where you are all of the time. I don’t even need to know where you are some of the time. If I ever become your over-protective body guard sworn to watch over you at all times, I promise to change my tune. Until then, turn the feature off.
3. Copy/Paste Statuses
I am not even going to bother coming up with a sarcastic copy/paste status example, because we have all seen them. If you are reading this, there is about a 40 percent chance you post them yourself from time to time. Here is a bit of a tip: It drives most of us crazy. Usually uninformed, incorrect and extremely self righteous, they are a sure way to get you banned from my personal friends list, and I know I am not the only one. Worse of all, you can’t even say, “Well, the data behind it is flawed, but at least it is original.”
4. Your Fight Or Drama With Someone Else
Call outs are never pretty. But there is something especially horrible about doing it on the web where anyone can see. Quick to escalate, reading two people fighting in a Facebook thread is enough to make you want to bash your face repeatedly into your keyboard. This also applies to vaguely written statuses that allude to a problem with an unknown person. What is so amazing about this type of status is the fact that so often the user posting them get offended when someone asks what it wrong, claiming not to want to talk about it. Then why post it?!
5.Your Bathroom Habits
I really wish this did not have to be said, but apparently it does. Your bathroom habits are not necessary to share with people on Facebook. While you might be laughing to yourself and thinking that no one would be so ridiculous as to do this, I read status updates such as “Just gotta pee” so many times than I have lost count. That’s right, I have literally seen bathroom-related statuses on mine and other people’s feeds so frequently that I can actually not remember the number. Please, for the love of all that is holy, keep your toilet time to yourself.
I will admit that these are my own pet peeves and might not annoy everyone. So why not join in with the whining and post your own list of things you don’t want to know about on Facebook? Leave them in the comments!